The Hand We Were Dealt
by Ashlee1
Summary: Miss Parker's responce to a letter Jarod wrote


CHALLENGE TIME .This one's rather simple really. Just write a story surrounding this letter.Takes place after IOTH. Please let me know if you're gonna participate.  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters or fics are mine. Never will be. 'Nough said.  
  
THE LETTER: By Brittnay Hall  
  
Dear Parker,  
  
   Why do we continue to play this game day after day? I am tired of it, despite what you think mind games are not my style. I don't care whose wrong or right anymore. I just want us to be able to have a normal conversation some time. I don't want the rude remarks, or the tantalizing clues; I just want to be able to talk to you like we used to. Do you remember that? We used to talk all the time. You were  the only one who could ever understand me.  
  
       When did we become enemies? Can you not stand me because you blame me for the leaving the Centre? I had to leave, the Centre is evil. That's what I've been trying to tell you all along. I am sorry. I thought that maybe, just maybe, if you could forgive me, it could be like it used to be between us. Before whatever happened to us happened. I don't even remember exactly what happened. You'd think that I would remember something like that, but I guess that it is just another one of the precious memories that are forever lost thanks to the Centre.  
  
       I miss you Parker, more than you could ever know.  I'm not asking you to be my best friend again. I saw something in your eyes when we kissed, well almost kissed anyway. I saw a glimpse of the old you in front of the fire at Ociee's & I realized just how much I missed it. I know you said I run you chase, but from the tone in your voice I can tell you didn't mean that with all your heart. I'm just asking you to think about us. Just think about it. Think about the way we used to be & the way we are now. Then when and if you make a decision about how you really want things to be between us, to just let me know. Right now, just think about it. That's all I am asking. Know however, that I won't give up until I get an answer. Even if I get an answer & I don't like it, I still probably wont give up. I haven't yet. You know me & you know where to find me. I'll be waiting.  
  
Always,  
  
          J.  
  
The Hand We Were Dealt  
  
By: Ashlee  
  
  
  
You just don't get it do you? I swear you're as dense as a solid oak table. I throw the letter onto the table in disgust. And what the hell do you mean "playing games isn't my style?" That's all the style you have, giving me these little miniscule clues about my past and sending me out hunting for them, setting me up to get my heart broken. You know the answer, so why the hell don't you just say it, huh? Like having me go dig up my own mother's grave, or having me chase after my brother to find out what he was really like, or how about the time he sent me after Edna Raines? Are you going to tell me those weren't some little game to you? All those goddamn clues, the smiling video messages, the notes? Tell me those aren't games Jarod, look me in the eye and tell me that.  
  
And I do not believe that you have the nerve to say "I just want us to be able to have a normal conversation some time. I don't want the rude remarks, or the tantalizing clues." Just who the *fuck* do you think is talking? I want you to do me a favor. Stand up, walk over to the mirror and look in it. Now read that little passage to yourself. Get the point? What an inconsiderate, hypocritical ass. If anyone deserves that it's you. You call me at two in the fricking morning give me some vague hint at something to come, some snub remark about how this is somehow my fault because I work for an evil cooperation and I should be able to stop it, and then you have the audacity to hang up on *me* the person *you* called at 2 am. If anyone should be hanging up on anyone it should be me on you! And if you ask me, you deserve all of the damn rude remarks you get! And I tell you what Jarod, tantalizing remarks my ass. I tell you what I know, straight up, which is more than I can say for you. You don't have the balls to tell me to my face, you have a messenger do it.  
  
As for normal conversations, well those are a long ways off, buddy. Especially with your little pity party going on, I wouldn't want to intrude. I just *cannot* believe you wrote me about how I can't forgive you for leaving the Centre and how I'm the rude trickster. What the fuck ever. As for you leaving I could give a fuck less. Talk about people not being able to forgive, how about me, do you forgive me? Um, can I get a hell no? Yeah, that's what I thought. You still blame me for becoming "a different person". You blame me for working where I do, for not leaving, for looking the other way, for being naive, for being involved in bringing you back. You can't forgive me. I don't hold a grudge about your leaving, hell more power to you for pulling it off, but to hell with this bullshit about me holding it against you, resulting in my inability to talk to you like some civilized person. I tell you what, when we live in a simple little ideal world where no one is out to get either of us and forgiveness comes as easy as breathing then we'll talk about being able to have a "normal conversation". I hate to burst your bubble, but we aren't exactly in a "normal" situation.  
  
As for the almost-kiss at Ocee's, well that's just what it was, an almost kiss. Nothing more, it couldn't have been. There are certain rules we have to follow Jarod, rules that have been set up for us. Destinies a bitch, you might as well accept it. Life sucks, then you die. I do wish things were different, that the chase was over. Despite what *you* might think I don't like chasing your ass all over the goddamn country. It isn't exactly the highlight of my life; it isn't like my life is oh-so-much easier than yours, like you tend to make it sound. You act as if you're the only one suffering in this situation. Well, let me tell you a little secrete. There's a man here with a daughter who gets his and his daughter's life put in danger everyday because of you. There's a man here who loves you, god only knows why, and puts his neck on the line to try as save you on a daily basis. We aren't here for our health Jarod, there isn't a choice in this situation. And unlike what you might think, it ain't all roses on this side of the fence so don't tell me that I have all of these options to choose from while you're the one with a pile of shit for an existence.  
  
What do I want, Jarod? I don't want to have to chase you. I want to be able to go one night without wondering what people are planning behind my back, to know that the two friends I have in this world are safe. Broots with his daughter and Syd with his son. I want to be able to curl up in bed, read a good book and be able to enjoy it without knowing that I have to walk into that hell hole the next day. I want to be free from the chains and the restrictions that keep me walking through a paranoid existence. I want to know what it's like to be able to feel without the potential of having it used against you. But like I said, these things aren't an option, the hand has been dealt and in this game there's no folding. We're shit out of luck Jarod, you and I. So maybe you want me to say yes and go running into your open, waiting arms, but that can't happen. There are other things out there Jarod, how can things work out when Fate is against you? We had dreams as children, but we were young and naive, we thought we knew it all and that things where like they are in fairy tails, then reality hit….hard.  
  
You might be a genius Jarod, but I swear you have the reality base of a ten year old. You seem to think that your the only one getting hurt and everyone one else should have a solution, and one that will benefit you. You paint it like you're the only victim. I know what I've done wrong Jarod, I know for what I am to blame, and I know that I'll probably burn when this is all over, but I sure as shit don't need you to rub it in my face. I want things to be different but they aren't and probably never will be, so I'll tell you what I think. I think you need to pick up your responsibility in this whole thing. Things aren't going to be any different so long as the Centre is here, and it looks like it's here to stay. Above all I think you need to settle some things with you and what you want, don't be dragging my ass into this when you aren't even sure about you. And what about Syd? Now there's a mess that needs to be cleaned up. You have a lot to fix before coming and telling me how it is. Maybe things will change one day, but I wouldn't hold my breath. So until then we play the hand we were dealt and hope for the best. It's all we can do at this point in the game. Forgiveness and everything else is not a question, but a small back story to this little messed up poker game I call life. 


End file.
